Tuesday, October 19, 2010
This story is what I did about it.
After a long day at a work conference and a little cry on the phone to Mr. Thompson who did his very best to soothe me (gee I love that man!)....I went back to my hotel suite (thank you front desk for the posh upgrade!)...turned on the hot tub which sits in a glass alcove off of my bedroom....relaxed in the massaging jetted bubbles for over an hour....as I enjoyed the stars and the moon as it peeked over the Park City Mountains....
Naked. As. A. Jay. Bird.
And as I enjoyed this very relaxed skinny dipping state in the safety of my (very dark) hotel room, I felt really nice and even a little naughty as I remembered the time when my girlfriends and I went skinny dipping one night in the Salmon River. We froze our butts off but laughed the entire time....
Or the time that my sister and I went skinny dipping at Hyrum Dam in a little inlet during broad daylight only be be caught by those boaters as we tried to give ourselves a mud body mask....
And then there was that time in high school when all the camp counselors almost got sent home for sneaking out and going swimming in the lake, sans swimming attire.
So there you have it. If you are upset - go skinny dipping.
Works every time - laughter guaranteed.
Monday, October 18, 2010
This October hit me a little differently than the last three. If I was being honest I'd tell you that instead of remembering this year... I've instead find myself wanting to forget.
Is that bad?
I don't mean that I want to forget my little angel - I'd never want that. He's the quiet place in my heart. What I mean is that I've found myself wanting to channel my grief in a different way lately. It isn't just the grief of losing a child - it's the grief of losing a dream.
Last week's last round of IVF failed. This week I turn 36. To be honest, I'm emotionally tired of infertility and infant loss and I don't think lighting a candle is going to help that.
But a walk might. It's not going to be a walk around the cemetery with a group of people like SHARE has planned - instead it will be a walk around my neighborhood with my dog. Something constant and consistent as I work on Self Mastery so I can live better in the "now". #1 on my list is to lose weight so I can be all I can be.
Just. As. I. Am.
These are the best years of my life. Instead of daily pee strips, medication and progesterone injections...I'd like year 36 to be about health and happiness for what is.
Not what was or what will be. Just today. Right here - right now.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
It was an incredible week at Marine Corp Recruit Depot, San Diego and to say that I felt a lot of pride in my Little Brother is an understatement. Our country got the best in this one.
Congrats to Cody's Platoon 2101 who won Honor Platoon for highest performance in E Company, 2nd Battalion. Out of 549 graduating Marines at MCRD San Diego these few were awarded top honor!
Day 1 Liberty Formation, the first time we saw him up close. (Cody is second back behind Recruit Hunt who is going to guard the President).
Beauty and the Beast, together again. You decide which is which...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
But do not fret - I spent yesterday at the "Happiest Place on Earth" and get to see my Little Brother tomorrow in his dress blues. I don't know what is next for our little family but right now I don't care. I'm happy with what God has given me and I have a lot to be grateful for.
Viva la Vida.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
It's official. I'm on vacation.
After pulling 12 hour days at the office almost every day this week and last, you have no idea how nice that feels. Or the weight that just left my shoulders. I need this vacation like I've never needed a vacation before.
I know that when you are trying to get pregnant "they" (whoever "they" are) tell you to "just relax". They say it a lot. Thank goodness that wasn't what Dr. H said to me two weeks ago when we performed our little "Give Me A Miracle (or two)" procedure. He just said, "...and now we cross our fingers, pray, and wait! Take a pregnancy test in two weeks and call me".
It's been a loooong two weeks. It's been a stesssssssful two weeks.
But after waking up at 4:30am every day and putting all of this nervous energy into a job that really needs a lot of nervous energy right now - I was finally able to sleep in this morning and it felt really-really good.
Tomorrow I take my pregnancy test and then I leave for California. In California I'm going to relax and do all the things I should have been doing these last two weeks when I could not. I'm going to: Rest. Relax. Lay on the beach. Play in the ocean. Wear my Disneyland birthday badge with pride. Giggle in the car for 2o hours with my sister (don't worry about the husbands - they'll be giggling too). Eat good food. Shop. Act surprised when my two oldest brothers show up because we're not supposed to know that EVERYONE in my family is going to be there (a first for our clan). Hug my parents and 7 siblings. Laugh. Put my hand over my heart. Visit with good people. Commend the brave. Cry. ...and beam with pride when I see our Littlest Brother walk across that Parade Deck.
He is after all, a soldier now.
And when I see him he will remind me that, plus or minus, everything is going to be okay.
Because it just is. And always will be.
Monday, October 4, 2010
But first, he had to pass Gas Mask Training today. Essentially they take the Recruits into a gas chamber (think WWII...) fill the chamber with gas (think WWII...) and then make them remove their masks (think WWII...)! The purpose? To give them the confidence and mental preparation to be able to survive a nuclear and/or biological attack.
Yeah, right. I'm with my sister. In those moments you can forget about a gas mask. You just need to remember how to "bend over as far as you can and kiss your butt goodbye".
The fact that my sister says that always makes me laugh. She's just not that kind of girl. I don't think she's said a curse word in her entire life. She won't speak ill of anyone (yes - anyone!) and doesn't believe in anything other than sunshine and butterflies...so the fact that she walks around always saying this comment cracks me up.
Me: "Sister - I hope Obama is getting re-elected to a second term"
Sister: "Well then, you better just bend over as far as you can and kiss your butt goodbye!"
Me: "Sister - I'm going to bring you dinner tonight"
Sister: "Thanks for telling me. I better just bend over as far as I can and kiss my butt goodbye!"
Me: "Sister - I can't bring you dinner tonight because I forgot that I have a dentist appointment..."
Sister: "Good - now you better just bend over as far as you can and kiss your butt goodbye!"
Me: "Sister - ever heard of the Lingerie Football League? These women are dressed in bras and panties playing football!"
Sister: "...and when your husband won't turn the channel - you better just bend over as far as you can and kiss your butt goodbye!"
No joke. Mr. Thompson just flipped the channel and "found" the most bazaar thing on TV. Lingerie Football League. It is moments like this that I don't get the male mind.
Well, I get it....I just don't like it.
Maybe we'll have a Crucible of our own tonight in the Thompson household. And while the helmet and pads are a good idea...I can guarantee that I won't be wearing any lingerie!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
So what, pray tell did I do at 5:30am on a Saturday morning? Why, I downloaded 53 podcasts on Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, of course! Ha.
Dr. Ramirez is by far my favorite. If you remember, he found my blog a while back and featured my Staying Positive In A Negative World post on his Facebook page which was very kind of him. This week he participated in an excellent PCOS Q & A session compliments of the PCOS Challenge, a support system to help women PCOS. f you are challenged with PCOS - I highly recommend that you listen to Dr. Ramirez's broadcast on BlogTalkRadio. I learned more in one hour with him than I have in 5 years with my other doctors (notice that was a plural statement). He also introduced me to the PCOS Challenge which is also informative.
To quote the good doctor's message to me in June, "Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born."
Thanks Dr. Ramirez for sharing your expertise, support, insight and....hope! As one of the 1 in every 10...I am grateful.