Thursday, October 27, 2011

Globetrotters

Out of 59 page views since Tuesday....I can't believe that ONE person did not comment about how ugly Mr. Thompson's monkey shoes are.

You people are waaaay too nice.  I tell him they are ugly at least twice a day. 


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Speaking of page views, I think it's time for a good ol' fashion Viva la Vida Roll Call.  This is where you leave a comment with your location .  You don't have to get specific if you don't want to...just leave us your state or Country. 

(I have peeps in Quatar, St. Lucia and Croatia.  Top that!)

As you are leaving Roll Call comment, you should know that I have a magnet on my fridge with all 50 US states on it.  All but 11 of them are blacked out because it's on my Bucket List to one day have visited all 50.  I'm close to reaching that goal and until I do...perhaps I can live vicariously through you - my peeps.

Canada, Austrailia, New Zealand and Iran (to meet my name source) are next.

Then Quatar.

And defintely St. Lucia.


Sunday, October 23, 2011

Happy Birthday in Chinese

I woke up at midnight to Mr. Thompson singing.  Happy Birthday was his song of choice and it was sweet. 

I woke up again at 9:00am to breakfast in bed.  Even better.

A little while later he asked me to help him put on his monkey shoes.  I obliged because he has problems with his pinkie toes...



These are his beloved birthday shoes and he wanted to wear them while he returned the favor...

(Personally, I think that I came out with the better deal.)


The day got even better when his surprises kept coming...with a new iPad 2.  That Mr. Thompson - he certainly knows how to sing Happy Birthday!

For a little birthday humor he also went and bought me a pregnancy test.  We figured that the Chinese might know something we don't when my birthday dinner fortune cookie read:

"Someone new is coming into your life to benefit the both of you."

Don't worry - the Chinese got it wrong.  I'm just super late (again).  But it certainly was a breath of fresh air when we both started laughing really hard at the negative results.  We couldn't help but laugh ...

...the pregnancy test was made in China!

Viva la vida.

(but at least now I have a great pair of boots to wear as I kick inferility and my biological clock in the butt!)


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Welcome to Holland...

My friend Tonya posted this recently and I think that it sums it up perfecting.  It was written from the perspective of raising a child with disabilities...but I think that it fits so much more, including infertility, infant loss, and changed dreams of every kind.  I hope that you can relate to it as well as we stop to feel the sunshine and smell the flowers...in Holland.

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland."

Emily Perl Kingsley.


Viva Holland.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Stumbling Blocks

Today I realized something important.  Perhaps, the only thing that gets in my way is...

Me.

Self doubt.  Stress.  Negative body image.  Have nots.  Chocolate.  Discouragement.  Fear.  Failure.  Controllables.  Uncontrollables. 

Sometimes, I think that I am my own worst enemy.  Sometimes, I'm sure that I even act like it.  That realization struck me as I was laying in bed cuddling with Mr. Thompson.  It came in the simple act of him reaching over and kissing me on the forehead with the faintest whisper of, "I think that you'd be a really good mom."

That out-of-the-blue validation was earth shattering for me.

Because I realized that maybe I've never felt that within myself.  Not really.  I've always felt quite inept and totally unworthy of motherhood.  Which is probably why this whole process is necessary for me. 

For almost five years I've thought that this journey was about getting my body to conform and bend to my will. Perhaps the real lesson is about how to find grace and effectively remove stumbling blocks from my path.  Heaven knows, life has plenty of them.  If you let it...

and perhaps I have.

With a diagnosis called "infertility" and an experience called "infant loss".

So as I write the next chapter of my life, I'm going to try to move that stumbling block out of my way.  If I'm going to be "in" anything, let it be...

In love.

In training.

In place.

In fashion.

In sync.

In progress.

In peace.

In a good light.

In life.


 

Friday, October 14, 2011

Wave of Light, 2011

Hope.

Saturday, October 15th is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Everyone is invited to light a candle at 7 p.m. in ALL time zones, all over the world for a continuous wave of light.

Always loved.  Never forgotten.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Walk of Remembrance & Hope, 2011

Most of you know that I'm a huge supporter of Share, a wonderful non-profit that helped us through a difficult time. 

In honor of International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day on Saturday, October 15th, don't forget our National Walk of Remembrance and Hope. For those in the Greater Salt Lake City area it is scheduled at 1:00pm. Click here for more details. For those outside of SLC, go here for Share walks across the nation.





Also, don't forget the International Wave of Light at 7:00pm across all time zones.  Light a candle (your time zone) and keep it burning for one hour for a continous Wave of Light across the world.  Let us always remember these little ones and their spirit that lives within us all.


Sunday, October 9, 2011

For All Of the Yesterdays...And Tomorrows.

Yesterday was the best day of my life.  Ever.

A pretty bold statement because I have had some amazing days throughout the course of my life.  Yesterday topped them all. 

I love my Mr. Thompson.  Forever.  Something indescribably happened when we knelt down and held hands across the alter, renewing our vows to each other as we extended them beyond "until death you do part".

It was a beautiful moment that surpassed my wildest imaginings.

There was a moment when a sweet friend of my grandmother took me to the Bride's Dressing Room and stood me in front of two mirrors which were placed facing each other on opposing walls.  As she pointed me towards one mirror,  the reflection from the other mirror was extended beyond what my eyes could see.  As I looked into what looked like infinity she said, "This is for your yesterdays.  A reflection of all the wonderful moments that are behind you." 

Then she turned me around to the other mirror and as I gazed in the reflection which was also extended beyond what my eyes could see, she said, "This if for all of your tomorrows.  A reflection of all the wonderful moments that will yet be."

Such a lovely thought.

As Mr. Thompson and I were sealed together for time and all eternity there were a lot of incredible thoughts that went through my mind.  One of the best was from a poem that my little sister sent me earlier that morning.  She was with us in the hospital not long after Baby Colton was born and she has been saving it until this special day.
The little toy dog is covered with dust,

But sturdy and staunch he stands;

And the little toy soldier is red with rust,

And his musket moulds in his hands.

Time was when the little toy dog was new,

And the soldier was passing fair,

And that was the time when our Little Boy Blue

Kissed them and put them there.

“Now, don’t you go till I come,” he said,

“And don’t you make any noise!”

So toddling off to his trundle-bed

He dreamt of the pretty toys.

And as he was dreaming, an angel song

Awakened our Little Boy Blue,—

Oh, the years are many, the years are long,

But the little toy friends are true!

Ay, faithful to Little Boy Blue they stand,

Each in the same old place,

Awaiting the touch of a little hand,

The smile of a little face.

And they wonder, as waiting the long years through,

In the dust of that little chair,

What has become of our Little Boy Blue

Since he kissed them and put them there.


                            -Eugene Fields

As I now turn away from the yesterdays and look towards the tomorrows there is a newfound peace and happiness inside me.  I no longer have to worry and wonder about my Little Boy Blue.

The child we had, but never had, and yet will have forever.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Cold Feet - A Random Holistic Approach


It snowed today which was a repeat of yesterday. Big fat flakes. All morning. Which is crazy because it was 90 degrees last week. I think that winter is back...

Ugg.

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I love this Making Babies book and highly recommend it.  The "East meets West" medical concept is really quite fascinating from an infertility perspective. I have a sister who is very holistic and quite honestly, I've always thought she was a little off her rocker...until now.

I think I'm turning into a witch. With potions and stuff.

And I'm actually liking it...

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Except for that Basal Body Temperature mumbo-jumbo. I can't make sense of that chart for the life of me. And I had to read the chapter on mucus five times and I still don't get it. I swear, there has got to be an easier all nat'ural way of figuring out your body's cycle...

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Technically, I think that "all nat'ural "means you forget about it and move on.

Right?

I'm there.
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At least for today.  Tomorrow I'll feel something entirely different.  When the sunshine comes back.

What can I say, I'm taking my split personality cues from Mother Nature. 

It's a holistic thing.

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In more interesting (or not so interesting news) - I'm on my way to Idaho. Every time I drive this desolate 3 hour stretch with nothing but mountains, tumbleweeds and a few random grazing cows...

I think of all my friends in NYC. Who are crammed like sardines in a can.

Once, a dear friend was visiting me in Utah and we took the drive to Idaho to see some of my family and he almost had a stroke because there was so much unused land in the USA that he had no idea about.

For a minute he wasn't a sardine.

And he liked it.

As for me, I kind of prefer the sardine life. But Mr. Thompson is from Texas and you know how those Texas boys are...

He wouldn't make it a day in NYC. Just the thought makes me laugh...

(This is where I break out in Donny and Marie. "He's a little bit country...I'm a little bit rock n' roll".)

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I lost a peep.

So sad.

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(I think it's because I'm not funny anymore and I don't have anything creative or interesting to say. Hence, this pointless and random post. Sorry.)

So I'll leave you with this -

Tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life.  As a way of celebrating I've been singing Sugarland's "You and me baby we're stuck like glue..." song.

Mr. Thompson isn't humored.

He's scared.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Always. Forever.

This morning I woke up with a long Saturday morning stretch....and then laid there in bed thinking about how blessed I am.

Truly. Blessed.

In one week something big is going to happen in my life.  Something that I've waited five years for.  Patiently waited because that's what you do when you love someone.

And I do love someone.  A lot.

Like he loves me.

On a beautiful February 15th evening, we once stood on a sandy beach in Hawaii at sunset with some of our most cherished loved ones around us. At the time, not everyone could make the destination wedding trip which was hard for me, but understandable (I come from a big family!).  I took comfort knowing that one day we would reach a far greater goal with all of our many loved ones around us.

Happily, that time has come.



On Saturday, October 8th, in Twin Falls, Idaho...Mr. Thompson will deliver on the promise that he made to me when he got down on his knee and asked for my hand in marriage.  He proposed at the base of the majestic Salt Lake City LDS Temple where my grandparents got married on October 8, 1939, some 72 years ago.  On bended knee, he told me that I could only say "yes" on the condition that I wouldn't ever give up on him- for however long it took.  Because according to our own beliefs, one day we would do it right - with the right person, at the right time, in the right way.

I never gave up. 

Neither did he.

So with a lot of preparation and excitement, my grandparent's anniversary will become our anniversary.  Together, we will make our sacred covenants (promises) with God and each other through priesthood authority. Among these covenants is the opportunity for us, as husband and wife, to be sealed (married for eternity) with not only each other... but to our sweet little Colton. This means that if we keep our covenants with the Lord and each other, death cannot permanently separate us.

Our dreams will come true.  Forever.

The Daily Dose
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