Sunday, October 16, 2011

Stumbling Blocks

Today I realized something important.  Perhaps, the only thing that gets in my way is...

Me.

Self doubt.  Stress.  Negative body image.  Have nots.  Chocolate.  Discouragement.  Fear.  Failure.  Controllables.  Uncontrollables. 

Sometimes, I think that I am my own worst enemy.  Sometimes, I'm sure that I even act like it.  That realization struck me as I was laying in bed cuddling with Mr. Thompson.  It came in the simple act of him reaching over and kissing me on the forehead with the faintest whisper of, "I think that you'd be a really good mom."

That out-of-the-blue validation was earth shattering for me.

Because I realized that maybe I've never felt that within myself.  Not really.  I've always felt quite inept and totally unworthy of motherhood.  Which is probably why this whole process is necessary for me. 

For almost five years I've thought that this journey was about getting my body to conform and bend to my will. Perhaps the real lesson is about how to find grace and effectively remove stumbling blocks from my path.  Heaven knows, life has plenty of them.  If you let it...

and perhaps I have.

With a diagnosis called "infertility" and an experience called "infant loss".

So as I write the next chapter of my life, I'm going to try to move that stumbling block out of my way.  If I'm going to be "in" anything, let it be...

In love.

In training.

In place.

In fashion.

In sync.

In progress.

In peace.

In a good light.

In life.


 

4 comments:

Chon said...

oh big like for this post.

creatingarainbow said...

This may be single-handedly that best post in the entire world. Thank you for sharing this. This is exactly why this blogging community is here and has formed so strongly...because we relate in more ways than we have ever wished to relate to. This post....ohhhh this post....it's like I could have written it myself and it would have been a perfect fit. You are not alone in having self-doubt, etc. And thank you for helping me remember to be "in" life rather than trying to control it. Xoxo

KT said...

Here from the Creme- love this post! Every once in a while we need to remember to focus on ME, the positives, and how we can better ourselves.

KT said...

Here from the Creme- love this post! Every once in a while we need to remember to focus on ME, the positives, and how we can better ourselves.

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