Today I realized something important. Perhaps, the only thing that gets in my way is...
Self doubt. Stress. Negative body image. Have nots. Chocolate. Discouragement. Fear. Failure. Controllables. Uncontrollables.
Sometimes, I think that I am my own worst enemy. Sometimes, I'm sure that I even act like it. That realization struck me as I was laying in bed cuddling with Mr. Thompson. It came in the simple act of him reaching over and kissing me on the forehead with the faintest whisper of, "I think that you'd be a really good mom."
That out-of-the-blue validation was earth shattering for me.
Because I realized that maybe I've never felt that within myself. Not really. I've always felt quite inept and totally unworthy of motherhood. Which is probably why this whole process is necessary for me.
For almost five years I've thought that this journey was about getting my body to conform and bend to my will. Perhaps the real lesson is about how to find grace and effectively remove stumbling blocks from my path. Heaven knows, life has plenty of them. If you let it...
and perhaps I have.
With a diagnosis called "infertility" and an experience called "infant loss".
So as I write the next chapter of my life, I'm going to try to move that stumbling block out of my way. If I'm going to be "in" anything, let it be...
In a good light.
6 hours ago