Saturday, April 11, 2015

In The Quiet of Time

3 months.  Where do I start?

I guess that I've just been quietly living life. Not too much to say.  Not too much to do. No drama. A lot of work. Less talk. More action.

Here are the highlights: 

Biopsy results came back clear in February which was super exciting! Dr. Z (oncologist) cleared me to return to Dr. H (reproductive endocrinologist) to purse more ART (assisted reproductive therapy), if we choose. You would think that after eight years of infertility and last year's unexpected cancer drama, I would be running back to my reproductive clinic.  But yeah... I haven't.

That was the plan. Really, it was.

After all, cancer came during frozen embryo transfer and I had a meltdown at the thought and redirection towards an unexpected hysterectomy.  We wanted a "window" and we chose a treatment plan to get us there as soon as possible.  I was still in my 30's and I. Fought. Like. Hell.

So here I am. A year later. With a green light. In the quiet. Sitting still.

Am I nuts?!

Probably. But when I was a little girl I would sneak away from the chaos of my seven siblings and find the quietest corner of our house. There, in the formal living room, I would lay on the carpet in front of our big picture window...and just bask for hours in the quiet sun. 

I think that's what I'm doing right now.

I don't know if... I don't know how... I don't know when... 

If ever. 

I'm 40. I've spent a bazillion dollars trying to have a family for the last 8+ years. I've put my body through every possible wringer imaginable. I've been disappointed too many times to count and I feel like I almost lost my life in the process.

So no. I haven't run to Dr. H yet.

Biopsys will continue and a hysterectomy will eventually come as a preventative measure, but for now - it's quiet.  And the sun is shining. All is quiet, all is bright.

I'm getting healthy again, I got a promotion at work and last night we met with a realtor to put our house up for sale.

And so, it goes.